“The text you hope you’ll never get.”
Regular talks with your kids might help stop that text from coming. Here are some tools to help you start better, more frequent conversations with them.
Tips for better Talks
The more comfortable you get about having a serious talk with your kids, the more comfortable they’ll be telling you something’s wrong.
In a recent survey, 75% of kids who did not use alcohol/drugs in the past 30 days said it was “because my parents would be disappointed.” Your input matters to them.
Quiet moments for reflection are few and far between, so don’t wait. The sooner you start, the better.
Hard topics can be uncomfortable. Better to start with simple questions, reassure kids their answers are valid and worthwhile.
Listen first, and then respond as you move to harder topics. And keep your emotions in check. If you get angry, they’ll hold back.
You’re trying not to get emotional, but don’t hesitate to talk about values that are important to you. Kids remember them down the road.
Kids are up against unprecedented mental health and substance challenges. Read up, talk to other parents. (And it’s ok not to know everything.)
If the kids leave feeling good about themselves, that’s a win. Let them know they’re loved – and that you’ll help them tackle anything.
Quiet moments for reflection are few and far between, so don’t wait. The sooner you start, the better.
Hard topics can be uncomfortable. Better to start with simple questions, reassure kids their answers are valid and worthwhile.
Listen first, and then respond as you move to harder topics. And keep your emotions in check. If you get angry, they’ll hold back.
You’re trying not to get emotional, but don’t hesitate to talk about values that are important to you. Kids remember them down the road.
Kids are up against unprecedented mental health and substance challenges. Read up, talk to other parents. (And it’s ok not to know everything.)
If the kids leave feeling good about themselves, that’s a win. Let them know they’re loved – and that you’ll help them tackle anything.
Quiet moments for reflection are few and far between, so don’t wait. The sooner you start, the better.
Hard topics can be uncomfortable. Better to start with simple questions, reassure kids their answers are valid and worthwhile.
Listen first, and then respond as you move to harder topics. And keep your emotions in check. If you get angry, they’ll hold back.
You’re trying not to get emotional, but don’t hesitate to talk about values that are important to you. Kids remember them down the road.
Kids are up against unprecedented mental health and substance challenges. Read up, talk to other parents. (And it’s ok not to know everything.)
If the kids leave feeling good about themselves, that’s a win. Let them know they’re loved – and that you’ll help them tackle anything.
Quiet moments for reflection are few and far between, so don’t wait. The sooner you start, the better.
Hard topics can be uncomfortable. Better to start with simple questions, reassure kids their answers are valid and worthwhile.
Listen first, and then respond as you move to harder topics. And keep your emotions in check. If you get angry, they’ll hold back.
You’re trying not to get emotional, but don’t hesitate to talk about values that are important to you. Kids remember them down the road.
Kids are up against unprecedented mental health and substance challenges. Read up, talk to other parents. (And it’s ok not to know everything.)
If the kids leave feeling good about themselves, that’s a win. Let them know they’re loved – and that you’ll help them tackle anything.
Conversation Starters
The start is the hard part.
Starting conversations about sensitive topics isn’t easy. But it’s more than worth it in the long run. With that in mind, here’s a list of conversation starters.
These questions are meant to be open-ended. And at any age, it’s best to start with easy topics before moving on to hard ones. (But don’t feel like you have to ask them all at once)
- What was the best and worst thing that happened at school today?
- Who is your best friend, and what do you like about them?
- What makes you happiest at the end of the day? Why?
- Do you ever pretend you’re someone else? Who?
- Is anyone or anything bothering you right now? How can I help?
- How do you know who you should trust?
- What are you best at compared to your classmates?
- Did you learn anything interesting today?
- If you had three wishes, what would they be?
- Who do you most admire at school? Who do you least admire, and why?
- Do you have any upcoming projects or tests you’re worried about?
- How can I help make your day better?
- Who is someone you can talk to about anything?
- What’s your favorite activity, and why are you good at it?
- What are you thinking about right now?
- If you could do something for a friend, what would it be?
- What’s your favorite and least favorite part of the week?
- What annoys or stresses you out the most right now?
- What are your greatest fears for the future?
- What’s the hardest thing you have to do on a regular basis?
- If you had a time machine, what’s one mistake you’d go back and avoid?
Strengthen the Relationship
Talking with your kids is like most things in life.
The more time you dedicate, the better the results.
So now that you’ve got the tips and the topics,
here’s some advice for long-term success.
Kids open up when they feel safe, validated and
understood.
In the moment, try to create a judgment-free zone. Listen first. Validate what they are feeling, instead of saying what you think they should be feeling.
And yes, kids do need a lecture sometimes… This just isn’t one of them!
Don’t wait until you think there might be
a crisis to start talking with your kids.
Likewise, you don’t need every conversation to have a heavy topic.
Make a habit of checking in. Sometimes a game of “Would you rather” or “Make the silliest face possible” goes a long way.
There’s incredible power in just doing
stuff together.
Go for a hike. Catch a movie. Make cookies.
Or – novel idea – have semi-regular family meals. Casual conversations over tacos or spaghetti can set the table for a healthier relationship.
The more often you talk with your kids, the more tuned in to their well-being you’ll be.
Pay attention to sudden changes in their moods, behaviors, energy level and appetite.
Not the slow changes that happen as they mature. Look for sudden changes. If you do see them, you’ll know what to do.
Beyond the sudden changes listed above, here are some things you should look out for, especially if they
occur in clusters:
- Low interest or pleasure in favorite activities
- Withdrawal or isolation from others
- Sudden change in friend groups
- Evasive or secretive behaviors
- Significant weight gain or loss
- Forgetfulness or confusion, missing sections of tests, etc
- Running away from home
- Self-destructive behaviors: Recklessness, fights and other violent talk/behaviors, self-injury, prolonged interest in death/suicide